My Unfiltered Truth Going Into Motherhood

Before you dive in: This post discusses pregnancy success and postpartum recovery. While pregnancy loss is not directly discussed, the topic of pregnancy and birth may be sensitive for some readers.

I’m a proud mama of two ridiculously handsome little dudes (ages 4 and 2), and I love them to the moon and back. But let’s keep it real: motherhood is a wild ride that impacts your body, mind, and emotions in ways you never imagined.

We often hear about moms who “bounce back,” and sometimes it seems like everyone but you has it all together. But let’s strip away the illusion: bouncing back isn’t always the reality, and it’s okay to acknowledge that. In fact, I think a lot of moms silently struggle with things that feel too personal or “not serious enough” to share.

So raise you’re hand if you feel like one of them.

That’s why I’m getting vulnerable today—sharing my motherhood journey, the lessons I’ve learned, and the challenges I’ve faced along the way. If this post helps even one mama feel a little less alone, then it’s worth it. So, grab a cup of coffee (or wine, no judgment!), and let’s dive into the messy, raw, and beautiful truth about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum recovery.

(Fair warning: This post is a long one. Consider it your permission to skim, save for later, or just read the parts that resonate with you.)

First Baby: The Long Road to “Mom”

My husband and I took some time to conceive our first child—not for lack of trying, but because it turns out getting pregnant isn’t as straightforward as health class made it seem. After four months of no luck, I started tracking ovulation. At my annual OB/GYN appointment, I shared my concerns. My doctor reassured me that, despite what I’d been led to believe as a teenager, getting pregnant often takes time. Based on my age and health, she advised we follow up after a year if nothing happened.

We kept at it, and eight months later—amid a global pandemic, selling our house, and moving to a new state—we got a positive test.

One of the hardest parts of my first pregnancy was that my husband couldn’t attend any of my doctor’s appointments because of COVID restrictions. He never got to hear our baby’s heartbeat in person—I had to record videos for him. And I couldn’t shake the “what ifs.” What if there had been bad news at an appointment? The thought of going through that alone was heartbreaking. To any woman who had to experience those moments solo, I see you, and my heart goes out to you.

My pregnancy overall was smooth until my amniotic fluid measured low late in the second trimester. As a precaution, I agreed to additional ultrasounds to monitor the baby’s growth. Thankfully, everything progressed normally, and my water broke two weeks before my due date.

Labor and Delivery: A COVID-Era Birth Story

It was February 2021, and COVID-19 protocols were still in full swing. Even though my water had broken, I couldn’t go to the hospital until I hit the “411” rule—contractions every four minutes, lasting one minute, for at least an hour—because my Strep B test was negative. The goal was to minimize hospital exposure, but it meant waiting in pain at home.

My delivery happened still during the height of the pandemic. Before I could even see a doctor, I had to take a COVID test. If it was positive, I would have been required to wear a mask during labor. Thank goodness mine was negative because, honestly, that just sounds miserable. But the pandemic brought other challenges, too.

For my husband, things were tough in a different way. He had to wear a mask whenever there was a nurse or doctor in the room, which meant even fewer moments of true comfort during such a pivotal time. 

There were news articles circulating at the time about women who tested positive being unable to hold their newborns right away. If you experienced this, I am so sorry—you are stronger than words can express.

Once admitted, I opted for an epidural (bless modern medicine!). However, it slowed my dilation at 8 cm, and I needed Pitocin to progress. When I reached 10 cm, I didn’t feel the urge to push. Looking back, I wish I’d known to request turning down the epidural to wait for that natural urge—it could have made pushing a bit easier.

After over two hours of pushing (and a baby stubbornly stuck behind my pelvic bone), I used a squat bar for the final stretch. With some minor tearing, my first baby boy finally arrived!

Lessons Learned: 

• Extra monitoring is worth it for peace of mind.

• Don’t push until you’re ready.

• Epidural medicine can be adjusted.

Postpartum Challenges: The Silent Struggles

Because of the long pushing stage, I experienced bladder inconsistencies that stuck around way beyond my six-week postpartum checkup. I mentioned it to my OBGYN early on, but was just told to do more Kegels. It felt dismissive, honestly.

In the end, I ignored it, hoping it would resolve on its own—it didn’t.

Emotionally, I experienced anxiety that I didn’t recognize as postpartum-related at the time. Walking near busy roads with the stroller triggered vivid worst-case scenarios, like tripping and letting go of the stroller. These thoughts didn’t feel like depression, so I passed the postpartum questionnaire. But I carried those fears silently for far too long.

You know that phrase “see something, say something”? Well, if you feel something, say something. 

Lessons learned: Advocate for your mental health as much as your physical health.

Second Baby: Surprise! (and More Challenges)

Since it took a while to conceive our first, we started trying for Baby #2 before our first son’s first birthday—and I got pregnant right away. While I was thrilled, it triggered anxiety: Could it really be this easy? Was something bound to go wrong?

During my first trimester, I was diagnosed with an accessory lobe placenta and marginal umbilical cord insertion—two conditions that required regular monitoring since they posed some risks to babies growth and development.  

Quick Google search summary for those who are curious:: 

• Accessory lobe of the placental: One or more smaller lobes attached to the main lobe of the placenta. The biggest risk for this type of diagnosis during pregancny is during the delivery process to make sure all of the placenta is removed, otherwise it can cause postpartum haemorrhaging and infection.  

• Marginal umbilical cord insertion: The umbilical cord attaches to the edge of the placenta instead of the center. The biggest risk for this type of diagnosis is it can cause a decrease in oxgen and nutrients to the baby. There are varying levels of severity when receiving this type of diagnosis based on where the umbilical cord ends up attaching to the placenta.

Thankfully, Reddit had moms who experienced similar situations – maybe not both at the same time -- but it was great reading about first-hand experiences from other women. Because if you just Google those two items and read medical news – it can be a little scary. 

By week 36, my baby was breech. Because of [while minor] pregnancy complications, I wasn’t a candidate for an external cephalic version (ECV). So, at 39 weeks, we scheduled a c-section.

C-Section Experience: Smooth Sailing (Mostly)

After over a four-hour delay due to other deliveries that required emergency C-sections, my second son arrived healthy and strong. Recovery was different from my vaginal delivery—it was nice skipping the marathon of labor, but I hated being unable to pick up my oldest during my recovery once I got home.

Pro tip: Post-c-section nausea doesn’t always go away on an empty stomach. Hospital protocol was to have the nauseu stop before introducing something other than ice chips. Since I knew my stomach and that type of nausea feeling, I advocated for crackers and applesauce when ice chips didn’t cut it, and it made all the difference.

Lesson Learned: Speak up, even if it feels small.

Following Baby #2: Holiday Hustle and Burnout

Thankfully, my recovery this time around was smooth—no postpartum worst-case scenarios lingering in the back of my mind, which was such a relief. But the timing? That was a whole different story.

My second was born in October, right as the holiday season started to ramp up. And me being the Type-A, hyperfixating (thanks, ADD!) person that I am, I decided I could handle everything. Halloween costumes? Check. Thanksgiving dinner? Thank you, Whole Foods catering! Christmas decorations? Up and sparkling. Christmas presents? Thought of, purchased, and wrapped.

Do I have a husband? Yes. Did I think to ask him for help? No.

I think not allowing myself to slow down and just recover contributed to a mental paralysis for my ADD brain. I was doing so much that I couldn't process it all, and really damaged by executive functioning.

Where I’m at Today

After two years from having my last baby and the bladder inconsistencies that started with my first baby, I have finally spoken up again about it to my general practitioner, she referred me to a urologist, and I’ve started pelvic floor physical therapy. 

While I’m just starting the PT aspect, it has already been amazing to have someone so diligently walk you through all the muscles and organs in and around your pelvic, what you should be feeling, and how you can support those muscles. 

I also opened up about my mental health struggles. After years off medication for ADD, I’ve returned to it, and it’s been helping me feel less chaotic internally while I manage the chaos externally.

Motherhood changes you in ways no one can fully prepare for. It’s a beautiful but challenging journey, and know that you’re never alone in the struggles you may stumble upon along the way. 

---

Related Blogs

---